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Tembi Locke was just 20 years old and a college student on a study abroad in Italy when she saw Saro, an Italian chef, for the first time. That was the start of a two-decade love affair that was strong and beautiful but fated to end all too soon with his death from cancer.
After a long-distance relationship, they moved to New York City together, where they had a simple civil wedding. Then, a few years later, they had a larger wedding with family and friends in attendance in Italy. Unfortunately, the attendees did not include Saro’s Sicilian parents. They refused to accept his relationship with a foreigner. And not only was Tembi not Sicilian, or even Italian, but she was a black American from Texas. But the two moved forward in their lives together, moving to Los Angeles for her acting work. Saro had told her he could be a chef anywhere, and he did indeed create delicious food in both New York and L.A.
They adopted a baby girl, and the rare cancer Saro battled over the course of 10 years finally took his life when their daughter was only 7. Tembi was bereft. But she had managed to bring Saro and his parents back together just before he was diagnosed with cancer. So, soon after his death, Tembi took their daughter and some of his ashes to his hometown in Sicily. There, she and his family grieved together. Tembi spent a month there that summer and returned for a month the next summer, and the next. She recounts in this memoir how being there in that close-knit town surrounded by people who knew Saro, being there where he had grown up, where they had visited together, helped her grieve and slowly start moving forward. In particular, she writes about the time spent with his mother, Croce, with whom she formed a close and loving relationship.
In large part because Saro was a chef and also in part because simple, well-made, local food is such an important part of life in his hometown, food is an important part of this story. Tembi watches Saro and helps him cook. She talks with her mother-in-law as she cooks. In his hometown, she learns how the locals make cheese; she watches them make tomato sauce in their yearly big-batch effort. And as she includes her young daughter in those activities, to tie her to the land, to her father’s town and family and traditions.
It’s a lovely story and told well. Locke expresses herself so well and is able to articulate feelings that resonate with anyone who has been through the loss of a loved one, particularly of a spouse. She makes sure she goes through the process of feeling everything, rather than trying to avoid it or circumvent it somehow. It’s a beautiful and tender memoir of great love, loss, and connection.
Rated: High. Profanity includes 8 uses of strong language, a few instances of moderate profanity, about 20 uses of mild language, and one instance of the name of Deity in vain. There are references to sex (including brief flings and one-night stands with various people) but almost no details.
